DABOISASTRGLEDT (phrases) – by Ivaniel “Ivo” Georgiev
DABOIS, I’ve always been thinking about what I hear or see.
And to be honest, I haven’t always rationalised these things because if you rationalise something, you have to act accordingly, right?
So let’s be real: who always does that?
Many things strike me in a two-line manner, but sometimes I fail to write them down. As you know, time passes, and one forgets. At a certain point, I may recall them, but only in fragments – not as they were in that moment and in that place.
Therefore, I decided that from now on, I will create a post every month, attributed to phrases from books, articles, and digital content – movies, TV shows, podcasts, music. I will reflect through my own prism and try to dig as deep as possible.
Some of these thoughts might resonate with you. Others might not. Either way, I hope they make you think and make choices you escaped from in the past.
The Weight of Expectations
This week, I came across a phrase that struck me while watching a TV show. Here it is:
“Your past will become your future if you don’t deal with it.”
It comes from a secondary character in Paramount’s Tulsa King.
This quote found a special place deep inside me. Why? It’s not just Armand, the man in the picture above, who is experiencing fear. He isn’t the only one who regrets past or future decisions; I have had many moments in my life where I thought my sacrifices would be recognised or that I was right, but I wasn’t.
I may seem like a decent person from what I’m saying, but that’s not the whole truth. Yes, I helped people, but they would have found their way without me, too. Therefore, I cannot claim responsibility for the events that have occurred, nor can I easily pass judgment or assign blame.
Every now and then, I happened to be somewhere, and in some cases I took control – or at least I thought I did.
Now, you may ask how that ended.
I always make peculiar choices that no one else would make, but people always surprise me with theirs. I’ve lied and done things I couldn’t erase, nor do I want to, because exactly those same things bring shame and remorse. And when it comes to the latter two, they should be transforming. At least I thought. And even if they did one way or another, that wasn’t really the case.
So, what about the people who faced me? Eventually, they walked out – just fine, but of course, offended as they should – because they took everything for granted, as we all usually do until it’s too late.
It took time to accept that people don’t owe you anything. No one is keeping track of your sacrifices – consider this seriously – and if you, at some point, decide to sacrifice something for someone, you should do it fully. For instance, if you do seek a benefit, be upfront about it.
The sooner you realise it, the less you’ll suffer.
Well, I hope you get my point, but if you don’t, don’t worry – the road ahead is long, and I believe you will find the answers you’re looking for.
Regardless of which side of the fence you were on, at one point or another, you’ve felt – or you are to feel – the repercussions of your actions. Unless you are a child – no offence to any children who had to grow up earlier – like all others, you experienced situations where things were expected to play out a certain way, only to realise that no one else was thinking like you.
And the important part here is to remember that people aren’t mind-readers. That’s why you should communicate intentions openly – otherwise, you set yourself up for disappointment. There is the other matter, of course, when you’re as narcissistic and obsessive as the characters in Succession – but that involves money and power, which is an entirely different topic I will get to in the future.
Recognising the Pattern
Armand’s words don’t just apply to regrets; they apply to patterns – and by patterns, I mean the ways we relive the same situations, thinking this time will be different.
Strong words indeed, or at least to me. They struck me because they resonate not only with what I’ve done but, more so, with what I haven’t – which constructs the majority of my life.
And exactly here, Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence forced me to ask myself:
Am I stuck in a cycle of repeating my past choices?
I tried to escape myself and the virtuous path plenty of times. I’ve changed cities, countries, and people around me, yet I’ve found myself making the old familiar mistakes.
Which means there’s no escape from yourself. I can clearly see now that the one thing I haven’t changed is where I put myself. Wherever I go – this is a huge part of the problem, apart from my attitude and what I do – I just don’t have a real ambition, thus I stay in similar circles of people, even though I’ve been in numerous different places.
The faces change, the circumstances shift, but the outcomes remain eerily similar.
“Your past will become your future if you don’t deal with it.”
I’m repeating the phrase once more because most people don’t realise they’re trapped until the consequences hit. And even then, most people have someone to seek help from – financial, emotional, etc. – and this is a good thing as much as it is bad.
Nietzsche also sneaks here. He said:
“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
My why has changed so many times throughout my so-called “adolescent life”, and I wasn’t sure why. Now I do, but in some situations I’m still a slave of my passions.
If we turn back the clock, when I was 14, I wanted to be a programmer because I thought the financial compensation was good, and at first glance, the work seemed somewhat easy, which meant… a happily ever after.
Why did I think like this? Blinded by prejudice, social pressure (mostly family and friends), and the lack of real-world experience.
So, BOIS and GALS, if our past shapes our future, then what is our why and what do we do after we find it?
The Wake-Up Call
One of my biggest wake-up calls came in Ocean City, Maryland. It was the summer of 2024, and I was on the verge of turning 24. At that moment, I thought I had life “figured out.” Looking back now, I see the irony inside these quotes.
Among others, this was one of the many situations that got me thinking about Armand’s quote.
So here are more details to that story, in order for you to see where I’m coming from.
Some things in life require little thought; others demand deep introspection. Naturally, I’m not advocating for murderers to embrace their instincts, but if that’s what they like, what can we do?
My point is that, like Armand, I realised the following:
Every action has a counteraction, and if you harm others, sooner or later, karma, which may just be a fancy word for justification, or the established law and its enforcers will come right at you. (Unless, of course, you’re the Zodiac Killer.)
Anyway, we describe – or at least we try – all that we can see, hear, and feel, but from a ≠ perspective.
This is the third time I’m using Nietzsche in this article – but hey, the guy is a pure genius. He warned us about the abyss staring back – he really tried.
We are neither heroes nor villains; we are just people trying to outgrow our worst selves (I hope). But growth isn’t passive. You have to open your eyes and see the world for what it is, and not what you want it to be. On the other hand, the latter demands awareness, discipline, and the will to rewrite the story we keep reliving – which is not an easy job.
If you know yourself – if you’re ready to admit the things you’ve done or you already did – you probably guessed right that I’ve done a lot of questionable things in my short life.
And if you were to ask my father, he’d probably tell you, “Ivaniel is the worst son anyone could have.” And perhaps he’s right, or maybe he isn’t. He has his reasons, and I don’t blame him – not always. But in reality, it truly depends on how well you know me and what your definition of “bad” is – but yes, I wasn’t a flower to be sniffed at.
I haven’t committed any crimes that would get me convicted – except maybe three instances, but don’t worry, I’m no Zodiac Killer… yet.
But the worst thing I’ve done to this day? That was the wake-up call mentioned just a week or two before my 24th birthday.
Apparently, I got behind the wheel while being blackout drunk – what distance I covered is still a mystery. Somehow, I made it home and woke up with no memory of how I got there.
I could have shaken hands with Elvis, but in this case, that isn’t something to brag about. I could have ended up behind bars as well.
The worst of all things was that I could have killed someone else.
And then, there was the morning after. I saw the pattern, and it was painful. I realised that waiting for a rock-bottom moment to change was a huge mistake. And this specific rock-bottom moment was so bad because I know myself, and I knew that something like this could happen if I let it loose. And still, I waited long enough until it became a reality. So, the pattern showed that it was all about making small, deliberate choices every day that led to breaking the cycle.
Breaking the Cycle
Not literally, of course.
That’s why change isn’t about waiting for a rock-bottom moment. It’s about making different choices – the small, deliberate shifts in how you act and react I just mentioned.
Nevertheless, I can’t promise I won’t do anything as bad or worse in the future because I don’t believe in promises, but I will do my best to try not to. My problem with promises is that we break them so much that the word itself has no value for me. I see them as nothing but a waste of oxygen.
Charles Dickens was the first who happened to say, “Never say never.”
I’m saying, “Never promise anything”; be humble and give your best when you have the opportunity to work or do something with/for someone – just a friendly reminder.
With that being said, I will try to resist the temptations of my passions and not listen to the little devil sitting on my shoulder before acting emotionally. I do understand that we are woven by emotions, and it is tough to not be affected by them – that’s why I will put extra effort when it comes to such situations. In any case, please don’t judge me if I, of course, if you decide to do it, put yourself in my shoes first. It is only fair, assuming there’s anything like that.
Nonetheless, familiar pain is easier to live with than the uncertainty of something new. I don’t know any better way to say it, and I hope these words trigger something deep within.
I think that may be one of the core reasons – depending on what “core reasons” are – as to why people stay in toxic relationships, bad jobs, and self-destructive habits.
As David Lynch once said, “The world is as you are.” To rephrase, if you don’t confront your past, you’ll still have different scenarios played out, but each and every one will end in that old familiar way – like mine or worse.
Start now. Own your past. Change something. Anything.
Even a small step in a different direction is enough to break the loop.
This blog, for instance. It’s something I thought about since COVID happened. In my free time, which is most of the time, I try to find ways to reflect. And I’m doing so by writing, meditating and running – not from my problems anymore – but yes, those three help me be myself in this “big, BIG world.”
Your Past is Not Your Future
Hold on a minute.
Maybe the beauty of being human is rooted in making mistakes and learning from them – and learning with intention to be of help.
That’s why I believe we need more realism, less blind optimism… and a pinch of something individual.
Therefore, if your past is creeping into your present, take it as a warning; take it as a chance to rewrite the story before it writes itself for you.
My suggestion to you and to myself is to live in a way that, if life were to repeat forever, we wouldn’t mind reliving it.
These two represent yourself.
I know one thing for sure.
I will find a way.
It won’t be easy, nor will it be fast.
But I certainly will.
Thanks for being here!
Yours sincerely,
Ivaniel Georgiev
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