DA BOIS A STRGL EDT

DABOISASTRGLEDT – by Ivaniel “IVO” Georgiev

DABOIS, today I watched a video of a woman walking 10 km in Manhattan.

The footage was condensed to show only the moments when she passed men – some sitting on the street, others simply passing by – on her way to Midtown, highlighting their attempts to get her attention.

She wasn’t dressed provocatively in any way: a plain short-sleeved t-shirt and jeans that weren’t too tight.

Nevertheless, the men reacted impulsively by objectifying her. As she continued passing, they were making calls that would  make almost any woman uncomfortable.

Then I switched to the comment sections, and two camps were formed. One (mostly men) who defended the behaviour by claiming “it was normal”; thus the woman was just being “complimented” – but we all know there are compliments and “compliments”. The other camp (mostly women) were calling it unacceptable and disgusting, arguing that such actions are reducing her to an object of sexual attention. I agree with both sides because they are indeed true, but I have to take the stand of the second camp.

I believe their opinion carry more meaning when it comes to full-scale acceptance and not just objectification. We shouldn’t even have such discussion in a society that always strive for something more meaningful and/or long-lasting.

And I totally understand that people do what they want; Which alas, means to the best of their understanding. I say alas because it takes a lot to understand – both their inner and outward worlds – and not many are thr ones who are willing to.

But then I think about the other side of the coin. If we were to understand everything, there would be no primal attraction. A part of who you are would be lost – and fir what? For better understanding that would give you more than what you have now?

I’m not sure there is a right answer here. Everybody should be aware that some of our prejudices and individual characteristics are indeed planted within us; therefore, if we don’t want to be like those men – and that as well applies to women who willingly don’t respect boundaries – then we have to fight our demons. But fighting doesn’t mean to gi through “castrated process”. In fact you should just learn to work with it; not letting it take the wheel fully because that would make everything else orbit around a feeling spiking disgust.

Now, as you may or may not know, this battle is the hardest of all – but there aren’t easy battles after all, right?

This got me thinking more than I expected. For the record, I’ll do my best to steer clear of clichés about “right” and “wrong” because everyone has a head on their shoulders and is able to decides for themselves how to behave.

So then, there’a question that I’m wrestling with: how exactly does a society that killed God behave?

And because I’m not really a God supporter, I may not have the best opinion of all on that matter. However, I see very vividly with my eyes what the death of God brings to other and I have to tell you that this regolution is unlike anyother before. Values now have to emerge from oneself; therefore, this leads to all sorts of problems like anxiety, confusion, regret, etc. Not because of the nature of all this processes that intertwine, but because in order for something to emerge from oneself, there has to be something that feeds the self – and what the self is being fed with, is absolute shit from all sorts of channels, 24/7.

All those combined create a chain reaction leading to…  exactly where? Maybe neverland?

Anyway, life is pretty much the same for everyone, and it’s not a matter of “if”, but more of “when” when it comes to this. What I mean is that at some point, a person would reflect on their actions and there wpuld be at least a bunch of questions, focusing on if what happened was appropriate; but then that depends on one’s values – and that’s another topic altogether.

The truth is, no matter how much we call ourselves “human,” we are still mammals – primitive beings who at some point evolved and started thinking, rather than most other species who are existing driven by insticts. And yet, among all that thinking, we see thoughtless behaviour on a daily basis – whether it is raising another human being, human rights, environmental issues and so on.

There are examples when even the most intelligent of all people are reacting in a primal way, just like a driver who, in a moment of rage, swears because someone takes away his right of way or tennis player who breaks his racket after one lost point. Is any of them right? Sure. But does that change something for the person who took his way to the right or the crowd who happened to see reckless behaviour live? Not really.

Everything and everyone works in their own environment. And while we share those individual environments with one another, we are completing a bigger and with different rules environment; thus, there’s an environment within an environment, within an environment…

Which itself means that everything is a reaction of something else; some sort of action would force a change on a specific environment, or maybe a bunch of them (or all) – that, of course, depends on one’s ideas and actions according to the situation and the time being.

Believe me, I’m 24, and I’ve seen plenty of all – without the utopian/dystopian grand finale. However, in today’s world, the dystopian end seems like a very possible thing and I’m not sure if I should prepare the popcorn, the machete, my AI agent or all together? But this is not the conversation we are having today. Courtship is what we are discussing, and of course, it is a reaction of another action within the environment(s) – which is way I strayed away for a moment.

So if an intelligent person can swear while driving – where there’s not much change throughout all environments (unless the driver isn’t alone), then I ask, “What would an intelligent person do in a flirting setting? To be fair, I must say that a lot of people are intelligent indeed, but at the same time are so closed within their environment – which most often is the equivalent of doing absolutely nothing or falling in the same traps that history thought us not to; it is funny how we see some changes within the structure of indivial enviroments, and very often we dislike what’s happening there but when it comes to action, we prefer to not pay so much attention.

Someone said once, “you can change the world, or the world would change without you while you are persisting.

So, when it comes to courtship – because after all, that’s what we are examining today – mechanisms are pretty much the same. Sometimes, you just want to talk to someone, but for some reason you don’t know what or how to say something, to not be disruptive, a.k.a. being called a creep – not the kind from Radio Head’s song. Then there’s the moment you finally try, and very often things take a turn for the worse – but trust me, even “the worst” is never the worst.

This is all part of the “established” common ground between people, or at least the self-proclaimed idea of it, while trying to abide.

Some will say that these norms were created for a reason, and that this reason is to build a safer environment – particularly for women. On the other hand, I would say that while they’ve helped us preserve ourselves, there are times in our history – such as now – where society has pushed them to such extremes that, in some ways, they’ve turned the best intentions into something catastrophic.

Think about the past, and I mean really think about it – not the Renaissance, though they had their share of real-world experience. I’m talking about the “antiquity”, and even long before that – yes, those were violent times, but at least they were REAL violent times.

Today, we live in a never-ending theatrical play – which is as violent as it gets – where everyone wears a mask, some even have a closet full of them – I know because I was (and still am, but trying not to be) one of them. And while deception has always been part of politics and everyday life, the problem now is that politics and everyday life are somehow tangled up. The population has risen so much, and everything has become digitalised, that our environment(s) has changed drastically just like this.

So what we are trying to escape is not escapable in the first place – and this is indeed our human plague.

This raises three questions:

 ● Where does it all begin?
● How exactly does it end?
● What follows?

But those three questions contain so much of individual and communal life, not just courtship. And honestly, I don’t have the answers – I never did, and I doubt I ever will. What I can do is ask questions, assume, and ask more questions.

I don’t know if you are happy with this BOIS and GALS, but this is the way things work here.

The Nature of Courtship

To understand human courtship, let’s look at animals – because as much as we’d like to deny it, we’re not so different.

For them, the process is clear and repeatable – for us too, but there are all kinds of kinks, which change things a little. Anyway, when the breeding season arrives, pheromones fill the air, and males begin competing for the female’s attention – now I start to sound like the presenter of NatGeo Wild.

What I mean is that in some cases, the female chooses the strongest; in others, she has no say, and she is simply taken; perhaps this is what we call “the old usual rape”.

But we have to take into account that nature varies. In some species, the female is physically stronger, meaning she’s in control. If she doesn’t like something, she simply moves on to another mate, which, when you think about it, sounds pretty modern, doesn’t it?

And because we are humans, when it comes to us, things are always complicated – especially in different eras, as they evolve and become far more complicated.

The Evolution of Relationships

If we go back in time, we can clearly see that men and women have always played certain roles – on one side, there wasn’t really a role, but an assignment to stay alive. And instead of simplifying this dynamic, relationships have only grown more difficult – don’t you see?

And yes, there’s always this one miracle that happened, but I’m not the kind of person who believes in miracles.

So, here’s the paradox: instead of living in a society where everything is clear – since we’ve established many structures and rules within the structures, a.ka. “the enviroment(s)” – it’s pretty visible (or I guess not) that now, we live in a game with no real concept or structure; one where there are always malcontents – and what does that lead to?

  ● How do you woo someone when each of your actions can be misunderstood?
● How do you be honourable when very often, honesty reduces your chances to zero?
● How do you express your desires without being judged?
● How to behave like yourself in a company of people who don’t like themselves in the first place?

As mentioned earlier, more questions appear, and hopefully, some meaningful resolutions could possibly come out of them.

Freedom in a Trap

If animals act on instinct, that means they suffer the consequences of those same instincts. However, the interesting part is that, like people, they experience long-term emotions too.

With humans, as I said, it’s always more complicated. Yes, we share certain emotions, but very rarely do we suffer from instinct; we suffer from our actions, which sometimes are products of instinct, but those are rare cases.

The problem with us is that we evolved for thousands of years, just to live in this tamed environment(s) – which isn’t the best place to put human beings in. And because of that, we have a lot of time to think and do whatever it is that we do. And by trying to take care of future problems, we live day by day and forget that what is now an established structure was once “futuristic” – and we forget to treat “the old love” because it’s a commonality now, and to be fair, it is very boring. (I don’t like it, but some things… you can’t argue about.)

Which brings us to this day. Even an attempt at courtship can lead to social punishment – both physical and psychological. However, the second takes far longer to recover, and the recovery will never be complete.

Hence, with the rise of liberal ideas and the imposition of “proper” ways to do “this” and “that,” as well as the artificial barriers that have been created – there are so many that even I don’t know about, and honestly, I don’t even want to. But they are there, and different people rely on them – some are probably creating them themselves by believing in practices that which are simplifying one’s life; therefore, his/hers environment(s).

So, if you eventually learn how this game works, you’ll realise that we live in a world that calls itself free, but that freedom is actually a trap. This trap is woven from falsehood and fear – it is a cynical statement, but I can’t tolerate the games designed to make our precious lives easier.

I mentioned the antiquity age earlier. And when I think about such times or even before that, I can’t imagine people dressing well just to impress – I mean, the regular folk. They also didn’t have to shave or follow a checklist of self-improvement rituals just to be noticed.

They just were – simple as that. Maybe they weren’t always happy – they didn’t have books, movies, or podcasts telling them how to think, behave, or love – but what they had was real. And we aren’t always happy. We have so much more than them and perhaps we are as equally, if not more, miserable than they were.

So, I’m here to say what I want: I want real. I really do.

And honest to God – like I believe in him… – if I found some of that “real”, I would do anything to protect it, no matter what it would cost me. The problem is that it’s very rare, and then the bigger problem is that it doesn’t last long.

Call me a fool, a hopeless romantic, a gay or maybe come up with something brand new, but I’m here, and I stand behind my words.

If I had the choice – and I mean, really had the choice – I’d trade everything I have now for what they had: a muddy place with a lovely gal next to me, even if we just had a couple of teeth left. (And no, that’s not a story about me wanting to go and get high with a female junkie.)

Yours sincerely,
Ivaniel “The Courtship Self-Proclaimed Expert” Georgiev