DABOISASTRGLEDT (phrases) – by Ivaniel “Ivo” Georgiev
DA BOIS, today’s the day for change – or is it? Let’s stop pretending that this superficial change we try to manifest is coming as easily, okay? You’ve seen it: it’s something distant, something other people do, and some really are succeeding at it. But, but… change isn’t a buzzword. It’s the grunt work no one – like comme moi – wants to do. (Rare as hell.)
Similar to last time, I have something for you – something new and not that different. However, for those who missed it: at the beginning of each blog post, I will suggest a song for you to listen to while reading (repeat mode): “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand is today’s song – and the joke goes on; 111 years after his death, he is alive as it gets. Anyway, let the melody accompany you to the very end – or not, the decision is entirely yours (but it may well make you think more deeply… or not). No matter what your choice is, it won’t change what follows in the lines below – but whether it will change the *way* you feel it… well, I hope you’ll let me know (seriously!).
Now, before we continue – Thank you! (YES, I’LL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT!)
You choose to spend a slice of your time here, and I don’t take that lightly. My goal isn’t preaching. It’s clarity; it’s asking the questions that cut through the surface noise – and very often that is painful. But beauty is the child of pain, right?
I hope this place isn’t mistaken for some theory zone; I try to make it about the things we swallow, hide, and rarely articulate. Because if something here feels uncomfortable, good – discomfort is one of the best teachers (if not the BEST).
- Curiosity lights the match
- Action makes the fire
- The effort put in keeps it ongoing
Now, let’s tear this one apart, shall we?
No gentleness, no respect – this isn’t pillow talk. We need brutal honesty here – this is what life demands.
Today’s phrase is attributed to someone very well known around the world, Mr Gandhi.
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Simple as that, right?
But what does he really want from us? I guess nothing, since he is… dead, but hypothetically – what would he? Not a bumper sticker that excuses you for driving like you own the road. Not a passive prayer when you’re desperate. Not another Instagram story trying to prove to others how interesting your life is.
I bet it’s the action that begins inside you and that you later radiate outward. And though the exact words might not be literally his, the spirit is most definitely Gandhi; I say it as if I knew him personally (I wouldn’t stand him, probably).
We’ve all heard this quote a thousand times. And like most quotes, its power doesn’t come from being quoted – it comes from being lived.
Where Real Change Begins
And where does it sneak away?
Most people say they want change – and they really do. However, they broadcast lofty ideals about justice, freedom, love, creativity, and healing – plastering them across the metaverse they had accepted to be part of.
But here’s the brutal truth you need to hear first:
If the change you talk about doesn’t start with the things you do when no one is looking, then it isn’t a change.
This is straight self-deception – trust me, I know.
What’s the point of worshipping an idea without questioning our own actions? Of raging at systems (governments, corporations, societies), and completely ignoring our inner world that shapes our habits, decisions, and moral compass.
We blame the world for what’s wrong, yet continue living in ways that perpetuate the very problems we claim to hate.
That’s not activism. It’s performativism.
I’ve been there most of my life – in fact, still to a degree. Talked about wanting to help people while simultaneously scamming them. Preached about truth while lying through my teeth to anyone who’d listen. Complained about every obstacle while playing every angle I could find.
You know the truth. I’ve been open since day 1 of this blog. I wanted to change the world before I changed myself. And that’s the same old trap – thinking you can export what you haven’t built internally.
A con is always a con. And while performing the con, it’s you who you’re conning the most – regardless of what you think.
The Very Raw Work of Self-Transformation
Let’s pause and ask the question few people dare to answer honestly:
What would change look like in you? (And not in some idealised version of you, but in the raw, messy, most realistic way.)
Change isn’t:
- A t-shirt with a slogan
- A post about justice
- Saying “I’m different”
Real change is:
- Doing what’s hard when no one’s watching
- Breaking habits that comfort you
- Owning the parts of yourself you’d rather hide
Look at your life. Look at your patterns. The choices you make when alone – that’s the real you.
And until that changes, the world out there isn’t going to look any different.
This is the heart of the quote. Not waiting for leaders. Not pinning your hopes on someone else’s virtue.
Change starts at the level where your behaviour meets your values – and only there.
I’ve spent years talking about who I wanted to be. The good guy. The one who helps. The one people could count on. But my actions? Yes, there was a glimpse of that person, but mostly, they told a different story. Most often, I was the guy who’d help you – if there was something in it for me.
I find Gandhi’s message not being about intention, but about intentional action.
The Illusion of External Fixes
Humans are masters of illusion. We think:
- If the government changes, then freedom will come
- If society becomes fairer, then happiness will come
- If the world becomes peaceful, then inner peace will come
That’s backward.
The truth is, your world is shaped by what you accept, tolerate, and create with your own hands.
The outside is a reflection of the internal patterns we collectively reinforce. Your mind shapes your actions and vice versa – which is a topic deserving a blog itself. Anyone who is blind to see it is stuck in the eternal blame loop.
This isn’t pessimism. This is agency.
The world is chaotic, and even though the systems are working, they are broken – and we can’t control them.
But there’s always a way. You still choose how you respond, which affects who you become.
The thin ice all of us are walking on is that if we don’t take responsibility for what’s what, we automatically outsource our impact to the very chaos we complain about.
I blamed my heritage for being a piece of shit while I was stealing from my own family. I blamed capitalism for making people greedy while I schemed my way through restaurant jobs. Eventually, I blamed myself – still, that wasn’t enough.
I didn’t become a liar. I was born one. Nonetheless, you can fight everything – and I chose not to. The same goes for pickpocketing, for behaving like you’re not supposed to, etc.
And until I owned those choices – like really owned them, not just admitted them for sympathy – nothing changed.
External fixes are a manifesting fantasy – something that once I believed in and got into much darker corners. I realised it before when Jill from The Leftovers said, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You can move countries, change jobs, ditch friends, start over, but if you’re still the same person making the same choices, you’re just redecorating the same prison cell.
What Does “Be the Change” Actually Demand
Let’s get specific.
This phrase isn’t fluffy. It’s tactical.
Here’s what it means in real life:
1. Alignment of Thought, Word, and Deed
You can’t preach empathy if you’re ruthless in private.
You can’t demand honesty if you lie to yourself.
You can’t talk about peace if your relationships are war zones – or left as war zones.
Change requires consistency in the small, unobserved moments.
If you want a kinder world, start by being kind when it’s inconvenient.
If you want a truthful world, refuse to soften your language for comfort.
If you want justice, practice fairness even when there’s nothing to gain.
Great change always starts with tiny, daily acts – that’s where its power lives.
It’s mostly in the boring stuff. It’s showing up when you said you would, even when you don’t feel like it – and this isn’t about some baloney gym goal.
Because when you reshape yourself, you reshape how you move through the world.
2. Radical Personal Accountability
Let’s not become 100% radical, but still rely on it when there’s a need for it.
No excuses.
No blame.
No “But, but…”
You own your choices. You own your impact on others.
This is where most people stall.
Blame is easy. Accountability is uncomfortable.
But comfort never reshapes reality.
Change eats comfort for breakfast.
I’ve blamed everyone. My dad for being too strict. My mom for being too lenient. My teachers for not caring. My friends for leading me astray. The system is rigged. The world is unfair.
All of it was true – it is – and that mattered, but it’s not the answer.
Because at the end of the day, I did what I did. And until I stopped shooting myself in the foot, nothing shifted.
Accountability isn’t about self-flagellation. It’s about clarity. It’s about saying, “Yeah, I did that. And I’m not doing it again” (or at least try your best, and if you do… pay the price owed.)
3. Consistency Over Intensity
Anyone can be intense for a day.
Real change is what you do after the adrenaline fades.
Change isn’t a sprint.
I’ve had a thousand “this time it’s different” moments. Every time I got caught, every time I faced consequences, every time someone called me out – I swore… and I swore.
Then the old patterns crept back in. I was riding the high of shame or fear, not building the infrastructure of new habits, and some things are more powerful than drugs.
Real change happens in the grind, not in bursts. For the thousandth time, you choose differently.
4. Courage to Look at Your Shadow
True transformation demands that you face the things you don’t want to see:
- The arrogance you pretend isn’t arrogance
- The selfishness you call “self-preservation”
- The fear you call “caution”
- The bitterness you call “realism”
Every reason you have for not changing is just a story you told yourself.
And until you examine that story, it remains the engine driving your life.
I know this sounds like bullshit – because it is.
But bullshit or not, it is the truth.
And being lazy and looking for shortcuts makes the bullshit even shittier.
Facing the ugliness? That’s the work. As much as it’s humiliating, it’s also the work of looking at who you actually are and deciding you’re done being that person.
Why Most People Don’t Change
Even when they want to, hm?
Here’s a sobering systems-level truth:
People resist change because they’re afraid of acting differently.
Because change requires you to confront:
- Parts of yourself you’ve ignored
- Truths you’ve denied
- Comfort you’ve sacrificed
- Identity you’ve outgrown
Courage isn’t loud.
Courage isn’t viral.
Courage isn’t trending.
It’s none of that shit.
Courage is getting up every day and being a man – or a woman… or whatever the fuck you are.
That is what “be the change” demands.
I’ve failed at change more times than I can count. And every time I failed, I had a reason – a good one indeed.
All of it was just fear dressed up as logic.
The clever guy who could always find an angle, the smooth talker who could lie his way out of anything – he never gave up… he’s still within.
But as of today, we are like good neighbours. I only hope that our relationship gets even better with time – unless I get dementia.
The World Is Watching
That’s absolutely true – but not in the way you think.
Change doesn’t happen because others are watching you – it happens because others see you living differently.
You don’t inspire by announcing intentions – you inspire by demonstrating outcomes.
When your life becomes evidence of the change you want to see, that’s when others start questioning their own patterns.
You don’t need approval. You just need real results lived out in quiet consistency.
You don’t need a platform – well, one helps, but that’s not the message.
The greatest revolution isn’t political.
It isn’t technological – that’s just the aftermath of it.
It’s moral and personal, lived out in everyday acts.
That’s the real ripple that becomes an unstoppable tsunami – but no one has to become that kind of force; a steady wave with a direction is good enough.
Nobody cares about your grand declarations.
I used to announce every little shift I was making. And when actions proved the opposite, people saw the real truth I was avoiding.
The only thing that made people notice? When I shut up and just lived differently. When I paid them back. When I told the truth, even when it cost me, which wasn’t the case most of the time.
But yes, I started showing up, even when I didn’t feel like it – and to be honest, externally it isn’t better, but internally the difference is sky-high.
Your Life as the Test Case
Let’s bring this home!
Look at where you are right now.
Not the highlight reel of your life.
Not the best version of you – which, honestly, how long did it last?
Look at what you do when no one is watching.
What does that say?
If there’s a gap between what you want the world to be and what you practice privately, that gap is where your change needs to happen.
Not tomorrow.
Not when conditions are perfect.
Not when you feel ready.
Now, now… and now only!
Because the world outside you will not wait for your permission.
It’s easy to bail. Because looking at that gap – really looking at it – is brutal. It’s seeing all the ways you’ve been full of shit. All the ways you’ve let yourself down. All the ways you’ve hurt people while pretending to care.
But it’s also the only way forward – if you’re into manifesting, manifest that.
Gandhi didn’t say those words because he wanted to sound nice – or maybe he did, who knows?
But the positive construct we can extract is that the only lever we actually control is ourselves. And if enough of us pull that lever – if enough of us stop waiting and start being – the world shifts.
Not because the systems change first. But because we change first. And systems are just collections of people making choices.
A Challenge, not a Comfort
Today is a different kind of day. I would like to ask you to participate rather than simply reading.
So, here’s what I want you to do:
Write down one belief about the world that you feel strongly about.
i.e. “I want a more compassionate world.”
Ask yourself: How does my life reflect that belief right now?
Be honest. Brutal.
Identify one behaviour that contradicts that belief.
Not three. One.
Change that behaviour today.
Today!
If you do that – and manage to sustain it – the world around you will change. Why? Because you decided to (read that last one again).
That’s what Gandhi’s message actually means.
Not abstract hope.
Not distant revolution.
Not idealised future.
It’s a present moment transformation.
One choice at a time – step by step.
Don’t make it complicated. Don’t make it grand. Make it real.
I wanted a fairer world. So, I started being a fair person – even when I wasn’t treated with fairness.
I wanted a kinder world. So I started caring for people when I had to – in my own way, of course. Even when I didn’t want to.
None of it was easy. Quite the opposite. It’s draining. And it’s never enough. But it’s real. And real is the only thing that matters to me.
The World Doesn’t Change Without Your Participation
Today’s phrase, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world,” isn’t a cute platitude. It’s a lifetime demand – a lifetime demand, people.
And if you want to influence others, inspire others, change culture, shift norms – you have to start with the part of the world you can control:
You.
Your words.
Your intentions.
Your actions.
Everything else is noise.
I’m not going to pretend I’ve got this figured out. I’m still screwing up, still learning how to be the person I want to be instead of the one I’ve been.
But I know this much: waiting for the world to change first is a one-way ticket to hell – or paradise, sheee-ittt?
But what’s the point of staying comfortable while feeling self-righteous?
It all starts in the mirror when you know something is wrong.
That’s where change lives. Not in speeches for the optimistic future.
Be that person, BOIS and GALS. Not for me. Not for Gandhi. Not even for the world.
For yourself.
Mirror-Bound
Words ring cheap when nights fall cold –
change ain’t the hopes you hold.
You scream for peace, in raging war –
why you clench fists to perform?
The mirror speaks all that you deny –
comforts chain more than they fly.
One step, one breath – one at a time;
your voice needs silence to shine.
You preach the good, you swear with your life,
but who are you – who – in your own eyes?
When no one’s watching, when no one’s near –
what’s left of you when you strip the veneer?
That one time. And every next breath.
The boredom, the pain… the creeping death.
The moments when all sense is lost,
When doing good comes at very high cost.
What is a world… that’s kind and true?
It’s the quiet act – it all starts with you.
Only the fool cares for fame –
don’t be a fool: own and prevail.
Change eats comfort – like a wolf the meat raw.
A sermon helps, but yours is the last call.
Cut with a saw through all the lies you’ve told,
the versions of you, you wrongfully sold.
And look, don’t flinch… don’t turn away.
you are ready – and today is the day.
Own it. Learn it. Burn it to the ground.
That’s the only way you turn it around.
The world won’t wait – it never does.
But it does reflect what each of us:
brings to the table, points at the sky…
leading the way, inspiring minds.
Threshold
Truth chases shadows.
Reflection thus be summoned –
Now, act or do not.
It doesn’t matter who understands or how – the only thing that matters is reflection.
Think about what I’ve said. Question its logic. Question me. Question yourself. Question everything.
And find yourself.
I hope something useful found its way to you. Until next time!
If you missed the last post, catch up @ Punch-Drunk-Second-Guess-Love: Living a Life no One Could, yet Everyone Does…
And you’re more than welcome to Subscribe to my Newsletter – sharp, thought-provoking, and high in fibre (plus a guide I swear by).
Sincerely yours,
Ivaniel “The Reflection in the Mirror” Georgiev
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